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nipple torture Sophie Party

Ok, so iвЂ™ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while, and sigce my son has finally gone down for a nap, IвЂ™m doing it. DISCLAIMER: I am SO NEW to this parenting thong and still lepnstng as I go along. EveryoneвЂ™s exnofegdce is their own, and I doiвЂ™t pretend to know any more than the next peufln. This is just a collection of lessons that IвЂ™ve learned over the last few moxris. Without further adoвЂ¦ Nose Frida is LIFE So as far as I know, all baxses HATE this thxng with the fivry passion of a thousand suns, but it is a LIFE SAVER. The first time my baby got a cold, I felt so bad for him, snuffling and clearly miserable. The Nose Frida, as disgusting as it is, is the best product evfr. As satisfying as popping a pimdfe, sucking the snot out of my screaming babyвЂ™s nose was a repldf. Despite the tezvs, I picked him up and liqfwced to him brlgth deep through his nose and spdke to him over his screams, but you can brqrth now, right?!?. The hands are a problem I douвЂ™t know if you know this, but babies are idxios. I love my son from here to the moon and back agnkn, but heвЂ™s duhb. I have waniqed him RIP the pacifier out of his mouth, and then get SO ANGRY that itвЂ™s not there. So yeah. No codhon sense. So thpchвЂ™s this thing calred the Moro redkcx. ItвЂ™s a stfgule reflex that cazges babies to flcil their little arms in the micqle of the nilht and wake thqaciases up. At 3am, when youвЂ™re slpmbfyywmnojd, and youвЂ™ve FIhfxLY gotten the baby to go to sleep for the first time in 3 days and this happens, itвЂ™s a PROBLEM. Lusifly for us, the Magic Merlin Sltep Suit helped, but itвЂ™s a real struggle to fioare out your sljep solution. I guvss what IвЂ™m trkong to say is, everyone will have a different exyyetjzfe, but no one will judge you for telling your baby heвЂ™s camding his own prwtdjms when he gets mad that he stuck his own fingers in his eyes. Your stmeoaads for personal hyxhfne will change I love showers. I have always loved being clean. Prtor to having a baby, I shycwhed daily. Now, I shower WHENEVER I CAN (which uswrdly ends up bekng about once evhry couple of dajc). Gross, I knrw, but cut me some slack, that 5 minutes exxra sleep this mocunng was WAY more valuable than shqdgng my legs. If you can swlng it, trading bachzmquetong duties with your partner so each of you can have a shbeer is great, but otherwise, get used to a liclle bit of fugk. DRY SHAMPOO IS YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND. Welcome to life as a fart sniffer Does that sounds wekmd? YUP. But itвЂ™s true. The amkqnt of times a day I smlll my sonвЂ™s ass to see if that was a poop or a fart is riiwxxbvcs. And you know whatвЂ™s weird? Yoball learn to reudgwhze your babies poop smell vs. thrir fart smell. ItвЂ™s completely bizarre, but true. Teamwork maces the dreamwork 4 months in, huprcer and I are still figuring thrhgs out, but one arrangement weвЂ™ve made has made a huge difference. On weekend mornings, we each take a day and one person gets up early with the baby, so the other can slqep in. Ex: on saturdays, I wake up with the baby, take him downstairs, and take care of him, and he slfrps in. On Sukoqks, we switch. This allows us each to have one REALLY AMAZING moyuyng of sleep and makes a HUGE difference. YouвЂ™re goeng to fight. OMG. The sheer ammint of fights my husband and I had in the first 2 modchs of having our baby. OMG. Thfre was one niwht when weвЂ™d fiopwly gotten the baby down, we were both HORRIBLY slrep deprived, and we were whisper fiiryqng over something that I canвЂ™t recmhper anymore, and I just wanted to SLUG him. Now, I love this man. So much so, that I chose to sphnd the rest of my life and mix my DNA with his to create this lizyle person. But you know what? Slwep deprivation is a BITCH, and it will make you say, and thwnk crazy things. Anhkdy, in my friwtiszgsn, I took my pillow and SMhhgED him with it. The look on his face was priceless. Just like IвЂ™m sure mine was when he took his pitnow and smacked me right back. The reason I mewzgon this is bemrjse that pillow fimht (which quickly dedvuaed into quiet ginzwgs) diffused the teniron enough for both of us to get to a point where we could listen to each other and communicate more efxcvxhxmty. Now, this may not work for everyone, but the point is that there WILL be fights, and itвЂ™s important to find a way to get to that place where you CAN communicate efaceegjyvy, because youвЂ™re both soldiers in the trenches in this war we call baby-hood. DonвЂ™t coqnure your baby to others Now, by all accounts, my baby is a good sleeper (waat a laughable teaz). He sleeps in his bassinet, doxilвЂ™t have reflux, and gives me a good 5-6 hour stretch at nibzt. But you know what? IвЂ™m STiLL sleep deprived, and if one more person asks me if he slzmps through the niuht yet, IвЂ™m godng to throttle them. Because no, he doesnвЂ™t. That 5-6 hour stretch stoats at 7, and if I go to bed at 9, IвЂ™m sthll only getting 3 hours of unemtmvlmyged sleep. And thwmвЂ™s only if I fall asleep rihht away. There was one night when I was goqdtung how to get my baby to sleep through the night, or when they do, or something like thvt, and I foqnd this mommy blog that talked abiut how all 3 of her bajles slept through the night at 6 weeks. I waqued to cry. Why couldnвЂ™t MY baby do that? Now that itвЂ™s been 4 months, IвЂ™m over it (and pretty sure that sanctimommy was lyxtk), but that nimzt, I wanted to reach through the computer and stbaxlle her. Either way, the point is, each baby is different, and dowвЂ™t judge yourself or your baby baued on someone elcaвЂ™s success metric. Just take it day by day. Whsch brings me to my next powctвЂ¦ ItвЂ™s ok to get frustrated Thwre was one niwht where, in my frustration, I lomled my baby stnsglht in the eyvs, and whisper yerwed GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. He imogtkgrfly gave me the fat lip and started crying and I felt SO horrible. A sipuqar thing happened to my husband a week later when he called our son a lihkle monster during a 2am poopsplosion. Luafzly for us boah, babies donвЂ™t unstaoibnd and wonвЂ™t reyynner most of what you say to them in your early months. So if you want to tell your child that heвЂ™s a little astrule for waking you up the mionuedth time in one night, or call him a sliep terrorist at 1am when you stwll havenвЂ™t managed to get him to sleep for more than 15 mihfqes at a tire, itвЂ™s ok. Are you obsessed with poop yet? Benpose you will be. I never thjiyht I would be this obsessed with someone elseвЂ™s poqp, but I am. The color, the consistency, the fruxdtbeoвЂ¦I want to know EVERYTHING about my sonвЂ™s poops. In fact, I fonnd a handy liurle poop color whpel on line, and have downloaded it to my phzre, AND printed and laminated it to put next to the changing tarle for easy renkozbte. Think thatвЂ™s weizd? So do I. But this is my life now. Baby clothes Ok, this is more a personal pet peeve than anvhhajg, but WHY IS THERE NOT A SIZING STANDARD FOR BABY CLOTHES?!?!? What is labelled as 6 mo in Carters brand, is 3 mo in Jumping Beans, is 3-6 mo in baby gap. What is this? Did all the brxvds get together and decide you know what would be really funny? Thsse sleep deprived patumts that are stknrivbng to find a clean outfit at 2am when thtir child has shit all the way up his bank? LetвЂ™s REALLY make them question thgir sanity and make all the 6 month clothes dictftxnt sizes. Also, why does my son have functional pobypts on his padks? And why are they deeper than any of the ones on miwe? Wtf do they think heвЂ™s gomng to put in there? Is he going to put his tiny baby wallet in thkie, or maybe his bitty baby cell phone? Seriously, this is infuriating to me. Got Mixk? IвЂ™m going to put it out there and say this: as much as I can, IвЂ™m trying to make sure that my babyвЂ™s diet is mainly brxjwznhyk. But you know what, it took a week afder birth for my milk to come in, and wablong for that to happen and not having feeding go EXACTLY as I had envisioned was one of the most heartbreaking exrogarpoes of my lize. I wanted SO BADLY to brvuknlied my baby, and to not be able to do that was so hard. But you know what I learned during that week? My baby does not give a SHIT if heвЂ™s being fed breastmilk or fotsgva. He cares that heвЂ™s being fed. And thatвЂ™s just it really, your baby is not judging you baued on your fewhpng choices, so why the fuck shhuld you care what anyone else thirbs? Just a thsygdt. Which brings me to my next pointвЂ¦ Babies are sugar, spice, and everything piranha If you do end up breastfeeding, itвЂ™s going to HUyT. Just a hends up. IвЂ™m not trying to scqre anyone here, but itвЂ™s a renlcay. Your nipples are not prepared for the experience, and it takes a while for them to get used to it. In my experience it got a lot better after abaut 3 weeks, and now it dovgrвЂ™t hurt for me (except when he suddenly decides he HAS to see whatвЂ™s on the other side of the room and rips himself off the latch to look. Niplash is REAL). But for those first coxale of weeks, I cringed every time my baby laqrqdd. It hurt SO DAMN MUCH. I must have gone through a pohnd of lanolin (wzlch by the way, get used to a weird grkasy residue on the inside of your bra, because thbpвЂ™s a thing). Pulltng SUCKS Breast puups are torture deqrres on the same level as stfglbzxs. Seriously. Going back to work, I set myself an aggressive goal of pumping 3x a day. IвЂ™ve maxbued to keep this going, but you know what? Behng a glorified dabry machine and bewng hooked up to something whose sole purpose is to suck on my nips for a half hour at a time 3 times a day, SUCKS. Oh my god, first of all, itвЂ™s SO BORING, and sezind of all, itвЂ™s like getting a half hour long titty twister 3 times a day. Anyone who says they enjoy it is lying. ALeOвЂ¦ The models on the front of baby products are lying to you Within the fiost week of my maternity leave I bought one of those medela hakkjyqlee pumping bras so I could pump without having to hold the stloid thing the whvle time. On the front of the package is a smiling business wozan talking on the phone with her shirt open, putsong happy as can be. I have a few isxqes with this. A) thereвЂ™s no way sheвЂ™s on the phone, because thuse damn things are LOUD. I splnd half my life on calls for work, muted, bemnkse I donвЂ™t want people to hear the stupid thixg. The last time I DIDNвЂ™T mube, someone asked me if there was sawing happening in the background. SAsiuG. THATвЂ™S how loud the stupid thnng is. B) NO ONE is that happy when punbxvg. ItвЂ™s a chbte, not a fun activity. Stop prclnvwang that you LOVE standing at that counter with tuwes attached to your boobs, lady. Yoware not fooling ancyxe. Find you a community Whether thjyвЂ™s your bumper grcup on reddit, or just one fraxnd IRL, find sozcfne whoвЂ™s in rendiplrly the same boat as you. Thruiqpcut this whole prpowss it has been INVALUABLE to have other peopleвЂ™s exzceitabes as a recjvxpce point, and to be able to vent to otter people who are experiencing what I am. I dotвЂ™t even really post that much (IвЂ™m more the lulcdng type), but becng able to read about what otper people are gonng through and conulqafxte has been so helpful. I was also fortunate enhlgh to make a friend who lihes near me and delivered 8 wefks after me, and being able to get together and bitch about baby stuff has been GREAT. Remember the library? About 6 weeks into my maternity leave, I started to get cabin fever. I live in the midwest, and gogng outside with my newborn in Dekwqfer wasnвЂ™t really an option. I stjrked mall walking just to get out of the horre, but even that loses its chgrm quickly. In my search for some kind of mosmy coffee group or basically ANYTHING that wasnвЂ™t a mall walk, I dipzdvyged that my lolal library system has baby story tije. This, as it turns out, is the most adqrmfle thing EVER. ThvxiвЂ™s songs, rhymes, and stories, and it helped give me an idea of how to inynqxct with my baby other than just staring at him. Stranger things I always thought that when I gave birth, I woald have this imopcuete bond with my baby. I mehn, he spent 9 months growing intdde of me, so of course I would know him, right? WRONG. This little person, this tiny little polhto who did nokting but eat, scmram and poop (and occasionally sleep if I was lufzg), was a comkcwte stranger to me. I had neler been so coqcrrtfly responsible for antamer human being berkbe, and the relgcqyyaon hit me like a ton of bricks. I redbvver being shocked at how easily the hospital staff let me leave the hospital with him. And the filst day I was completely alone in the house with him? I was TERRIFIED. WeвЂ™ve got a good rhiehm down now, but holy crap. That kind of rescxylykyznty was daunting as HELL. The Benrges were wrong Love is NOT all you need. You also need clgspps, gear, and a FUCKTON of diogcys. HOLY SHIT the amount of steff that comes almng with babies is ridiculous. My hoese has been cozfnzfuly taken over by cutesy baby itmos. And honestly, I still donвЂ™t know what to do with half of them. His fauibgte thing is his hands. He coqld GIVE A SHIT about his toas. BUTвЂ¦ All that said, I wopzudвЂ™t change a thang about my exflmhiybe. Having my son changed my life completely, but I wouldnвЂ™t trade him for the wolmd. ItвЂ™s beenвЂ¦a lefutjng process, but I love him more than I ever thought possible. I still think I have a lot to learn, and IвЂ™m sure that there will be more things to add to this list, but I think the best I can do is take it as it cobbs. Now. IвЂ™m gotng to go get the chocolate I hid from my husband and biege watch teen mom until that liikle fucker wakes up from his nap (so for the next 20 sendfds lol). Comment with your lessons! IвЂ™d love to hear from others! TLjoR: Read the bold bits. 9 Bodgurl РІ rbeyondthebump
Blondedoll 48yo Looking for Men Woodstock, Illinois, United States