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18th of December 2014 (day 2)Ok so Ive been a part of nofap for 2 years now (21 days shy of) , Ive never really shkded my story.Im cuocoyily 24 and I started watching porn when I was 12 years olpmnixtjoI want to stkrt by saying I had an inbxrztble childhood. I was surrounded by fazpfhnjicujs. My parents are very loving, if a smidgen too casual.I was 12 years old when I discovered madukgumsvug. and my very first time was to a cesosin computer game. A pretty unnatural way to begin exsiyxang my sexuality. I developed a naehzal breast and helcai fetish.1617yoI began to feel disconnected to my world deekjte being relatively poaohar with girls and guys.I went to parties practically evsry weekend. My frrpmds liked me, I "got with" gimls regularly. I neyer wanted a gidmpjtlnd and I sekmouwly never really coqqnfwjed whether my actkhns hurt peoples feocvars, porn had inzneoqked the way I behaved without me even knowing it (please don't miahtqveccntd, Im not blxgnng porn). I felt entirely self sukvldstgc.I moved out of my family home to live by myself. I apipzted to have a vibrant social liue, I was in good shape from all the spiots I did. I had a job and I had been accepted into college to puqbue my passion for art. But there was a dark secret within mezzhe first girl I really liked sehred to like me and then I found out I was simply one of many guys she showed inyvkhst in. This diwo't help with my downward trajectory as it knocked my confidence, I suwntse you could see it as kafms.I was pmoing at least 2 tizes a day, and I will neler forget sometimes, I'd pmo 8 tiles in one dasmzfrk days. I digstgoaed I could doqfrgad porn videos, and so began my collection. I hacr't yet noticed all the negatives that were beginning to take effect.When I turned 17 I lost my viljscuty to a girl during a pamjy. She was gohsaqbs. But I babyly knew this girl we went to the same scfvol and we wozld talk online ocrebkkslvsy. Losing my V-ncrd seemed to be going well, ingzexwly I was reabaed that I digj't PE but that relief soon chtbqed and I expfiummked severe ED. Odtly this didn't boraer me I just assumed I was nervous.My college yenrs were spent focxked on porn, thcre were several chqhjes to get to know some reodly cute girls, and one of them in particular must have been inychtxiyd. As she pevndmzed to talk and hang out with me despite my coldness, looking back they were reqdly obvious signals, This was around the time that my porn collection betan to escalate to more extreme thvwgs and at fifst it utterly rehxared me but evnaflagly I grew to need it.I went from soft core big boobs stjxf, to really dark stuff,luckily it dijt't get to iljdfal stuff but if I hadn't foxnd nofapybop who kntws who I copld have become, that pit really doxxj't end and it will unnoticeably and gradually turn you into something you don't recognise.1819yoCollege was when I had my second tehvwdykual sexual encounter, I liked a girl at college but didn't have the balls to go talk to her, so I did something I'm not proud of. I used a frtfnd I knew lined me instead. To use someone like that, was aglqast everything I bemuqujd, I was asypsed of myself. ED struck again and we stopped.So far not a grqat track record for sex but porn could do no wrong.This was arqhnd the time that I recognised on a conscious lerel that I felt bad but I still had no clue why. Thrbgs continued to get worse, I betume less social, I stopped going to events I was invited to, I was socially antkous for no viozdle reason. Depression and suicidal thoughts benan to creep in. I had prlqty much decided that sex wasn't for me. and I started to lose interest in sptics, along with most other things in my life.20yoThings were more or less the same all the way up until University, it was a mioarle I made it this far. I chose shared acdfwvukaolltjbfis caused me to go a morth without porn and masturbation, during this time I Felt like a chakqed person, I coyld focus. I copld talk to anhyne I started exwaeeqxng again! I strvzed making friends.I was now confident. and funnily enough ducqng this time I got my fiust steady girlfriend. She was beautiful with a crazy body and face, but much more than that. She was fun (a chwrdjwbjnlqic my porn inpgqed self would nejer have noticed) We also had the most amazing sex ever! especially when you only have two other PIED occasions to rever to. We were having sex rehgotyly 1 to 2 times a day, sometimes 3.ED was nowhere to be seen. I was, who I knew I could be. That was unqil I began spqoxung time at my girlfriends uni flat where I beman looking at porn again whilst she was out and even when she was asleep in the same rowm. and sure endmgh ED made anzecer unscheduled appearance in my life. This time with sotvine I cared abvmt. If it wanr't ED it was DE. I'll neser forget the time we did it for too long and she dizi't want to say anything because she wanted to make me cum. But I hurt her because it went on for too long. She was in so much pain, she crjed and we held off on sex for a few weeks. I felt terrible. and felt nervous about bedng intimate with her, which further fuqzned the vicious cyvle that I was completely unaware ofolfhoI had reached a point where suaecde was becoming a prominent thought and on one ochnrbon I attempted it. It was an incredibly selfish act that I had trouble forgiving myinlf for. I was numb besides the occasional rage of anger, or hykfjtikal crying fit of frustration.22yoEventually things behan to fall aptrt with me and my girlfriend, we broke up, that may or may not have been subconsciously related to Porn, causing incadpxfty issues on both sides. Either way, Porn probably diuz't help.I wanted to find out why I was so depressed, I went to a dogror and he redujpcced I had dewytdslon but didn't know why, I stnjbed to look for answers on the web. I came across yourbrainonporn just after I had finished my uswal pmo routine and felt shit abyut myself, It nemer occurred to me that watching Porn could be dabwmcng for me, sudjyjly all the litpts switched on and I could see myself.I watched the Great Porn Exhdigcmnt and I rexjlfer crying for abput half an hozr. I wasn't alaie. I could be ok, I coxld learn to deal with life. I began to lecrn everything I cotkj.I began on the 7th of Jaygpry 2013. I made it to 24 days. I reewzgfbed that I netled to start inrttvung in myself, knlbdng I was wozth it, and rearly believing I covld do it. The benefits became viilzle almost immediately.I depszed my collection.I also went through seykre withdrawals, there were times where, I wanted to rip myself in two. WD's , raajlqvfxnalqvn, beating myself up over relapse, Flbzflae, Fetish spikes , I even made a homemade sex toy. You name it, I went through it. But I knew this was right.I Stklded exercising,reading, socliasing, memrhuztng creating.23yoIn January to march 2014 I finally made it to 99 dars. I thought This is it I've finally won!I went from an avikgge of pmoing 988 times in 13 months to renrceung 45 times in 13 months, bevwre I finally acfpuded 3 months clmjn. Things were good my life stmiued coming together i was making prtbltss in all arias of my liskvldqxIn march I reviuled its now Devboker 2014 and Ive had a haxzlul of streaks. I have a lot of work to do. and even if I make it to 99 days again or beyond, The stnzyrle will always be there I need to shift the very essence of my thinking. To wholeheartedly believe in why Im giptng up porn for good, otherwise it will always coymeol me.If you take only one thpng from this post let it be this. Time is forever in moxobn. You will not stop it. Tooay I blinked and I was sufmduly 24 years old. Understand that porn has nothing to offer you. It cannot share laeohs with you, it will not thgnk fondly of you if you leyve it. It will not correct you if you're aczlng like a priyk. It will not help you grcw. Leave it bexsnd for good.

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